I CARRY YOUR HEART

It's been some time since I've written. Life has been crazy. Starting life over without Mick hasnt been easy. I went back to school and rec. my cosmetologist license so I can help those that can't get out including the caregivers . It also provides me an income to be my own boss and survive financially wo A second income. Since his death after struggling for a year to keep a house we raised our kids in I had no choice but to try to sell it. That didn't work so I had to give our house back after 16 yrs. living in what we made our home. It was devastating but in reality with big picture of things over Micks illness I truly learned these are just things. Material things that can be replaced... So I sold everything I could and moved. After 6 mos. I moved out of state away from my grown children . They had healed somewhat and moved on with their lives but I was stuck in the past.In this time I started dating again. Dating is not like it used to be. I actually learned to hate dating. Wished many days and nights if God could just send Mick back to me I would not gripe at him, except his annoying , aggravating things that drove me in sane Just soooo I could have him back. I always smiled after spraying this and said 'yeah' I know I would still gripe but it would be different iF you could just give him back to me.Well, it's almost 3 years since he's been gone!!!! Wow! I prayed from the beginning time would fly by and he helped me with that one. But, there's not a day that goes by that he doesn't creep thru my thoughts.After all here's the ironic thing of my last 3 years. For those who don't know when we buried Mick I read EE Cummings "I carry your heart" at the gravesite . So that's not the ironic part but this is... I started noticing random hearts among me in my food. Chips shaped like heart, pork chops. Bagel chip with heart center, Etc. I even accidentally splattered blackberry juice on my counter and it ended up being perfect shape of heart. I would get these just once in awhile and it would be "cool" and how weird.Why am I telling you this because it was always when I needed to feel close to him or something was t right, like telling me it will be ok.I decided to give up on dating because of the dirtbags that I met . I said if God wants someone in my life then he will let it happen in his time Not mine. ... Very soon after I closed that door and let God take over... He walked in my life...The reason I'm telling you this is because I had my doubts, trust , etc. because of past men in this crazy dating scene. However! Every time I would 2 nd guess who he really was A Heart would show up! I couldn't. Believe how fast it happened, but everything about him makes me live and smile again and then he asked me to move in with him... My loyalty to Mick was tested and confused so ... I had a talk with Mick when I was driving ... And asked him if he knew I will Always Love him. Then it happened! !!! His voice in my head said "Shannon I Carry Your Heart"! Wow! Epiphany took place! The day at the gravesite , the reading of the poem and every heart I have received . My sister believes Tracy was sent to me or picked by Mick for me. He's a wonderful person , a man like I haven't met in many years so I will believe that because it's the first time I have spoken the words of love to another man.So I said yes, and the next day my car broke down and had to be towed . Big deal , right... Yes it was the best worst day of the week. Yes, car was being towed but as we (driver) and myself are talking about what brought me here , he tells me about his dad who passed away a yr. prior and I proceeded to tell him about Mick. Now during this time we are taking car to new home with Tracy. I looked to my right and in the sky was this amazing giant puff heart formed in the clouds. The driver couldn't believe it!Teary eyes and smile from ear to ear I knew at that moment Mick was telling me life will be ok for me now and he approves.To this date I prob. Have 25 random heart pics. From the past 3 years but he cloud in the sky is one that was just breath taking! The moments that take your breath away! Even in his death he still did it. As silly and goofy as he was but I have questioned did he want me to move on and with Tracy I would continue to get signs telling me ... He is who I'm meant to be with..So, on that note. My life will moving on to a new chapter , new person in my life and as of August I will have my 1st grand baby. Mick would have spoiled him- her sooo much! But I'm sure that baby will know about their grandfather. Thats he nice thing about memories. Never materialistic just from the depths of your mind. Those memories kept me going and I will always treasure them!God bless, R.I.P.. Michael Patrick David Dill